How Diversity can Help you be a Better Teacher By Benjamin Todd Eller

Todd: When did you know that you were gay?

Chris: I knew when I was 14 years of age but was not willing to accept it. I did not verbalize it and wanted to deny it. I thought maybe I might be bisexual or it was just a phase.

Todd: When did you actually come out and knew for sure you were homosexual?

Chris: Not until I was 25 years old. I did not have any relationships with men until then. I did have relationships with women in college, but I could tell that the psychological and emotional connection I had with women was really defined in friendship. It was not just the physical disconnection. It was more that I knew emotionally I was not going to be connected with women romantically. I, of course, have female friends.

Todd: Were you afraid to admit to yourself as gay and come out due to the fears of being judged?

Chris: I knew my parents would always accept me, and they always have. However, I was fearful of the whole global reaction. What would everyone think? It is true that some friends and family were not supportive. I am lucky that my parents and brother have been fully supportive.

Todd: What would your advice be to anyone who is fearful of coming out? What would you have told yourself at 14?

Chris: I would say do not be fearful. Everything is going to okay. You need to come out on your time table. It is not necessary for anyone to come out until they are ready. You need to be okay with it yourself before you tell anybody else. Don't do it on somebody else's schedule. Do it on your own.

Todd: Have you experienced prejudice?

Chris: One time I was walking home by myself after Long Beach pride and some guys rolled down the window and screamed “faggot” and other slurs. Also, sometimes when I am out with my friends and waiters will know we are gay and not serve us or treat us well.

Todd: I want to ask you a potentially offensive question. I have known you for quite some time, and when we first met, I did not realize you were gay. How did these people know you are gay?

Chris: In the case of Long Beach, I was literally walking from a gay pride parade. When I am out with my friends, I think it is sometimes obvious that some of my friends are gay. There are five of us, we are dressed very well, and we are guys.

Todd: That could just be some guys coming from a business meeting. That could be anything. How do people know? For lack of a better word, are some of your friends more effeminate or elaborate? I don’t know of a good word that would not offend.

Chris: I don’t think there is a good word. I do think that some of my friends are more obviously gay than others. I do think that for all of us there is a continuum of perhaps feminine qualities. I sometimes don’t know whether or not a person is gay, but most of the time I am right.

Todd: What do you make of President Trump’s attempt to ban homosexuals from the military?

Chris: I think being in the military is a job. A very tough job, but a job nonetheless. The fear that say Frank is going to try to kiss Bob in the foxhole is rather silly. First of all, let’s say Frank and Bob are plumbers. Frank could still try to kiss Bob I guess. But here is the thing. Our wrestling club won a diversity award from the government council of West Hollywood. We have some homosexuals in our club as well as heterosexuals, women, Latinos and African-Americans. You have been a member for ten years. Let me ask you. How many men have hit on you or tried to kiss you?

Todd: Zero. But maybe I am not that attractive.

Chris: (Chris laughs). I don’t think so. You are a heterosexual that in some way has been in the company of some gay men in our club for a decade, and yet, none have tried to ask you out. They know you are not gay, and so you had nothing to fear.

Todd: Well, if some guy did hit on me, I would know what to do. Just say “no, thank you.”

Chris: Exactly. But again, it never happened because we know not to do that.

Todd: Do you feel that gay men are better able to tell who is gay?

Chris: Yes. Of course. Every person knows their own. Don’t you?

Todd: I do believe I can, for the most part. If I see a guy walking down the street and if he is from the southeast, I can tell just by the way he walks and body language. I am a redneck so I can detect them.

Chris: Exactly. It is natural. So, men who are not gay in the military do not need to fear homosexuals. We know not to try anything.

Todd: Have you ever had prejudice feelings toward others?

Chris: I think we all do. I was taught not to look down on people because of who they are. Again, I have great parents. However, prejudice does mean to pre-judge. When I see someone walking down the street or meet someone for the first time, I naturally have pre-judgments about that person. I always tell myself, I could be dead wrong and remember what it felt like when someone pre-judged negatively. I may have pre-judgments about you, but I try to make sure they are positive thoughts.

Todd: Last question. I have met people who say that being African-American or Latino is not a choice, but the Bible says it is a sin to be gay so therefore they cannot be friends with homosexuals. How do you respond to that?

Chris: I am not a Biblical scholar, but I do know that the Bible says many things. One part of the Bible says “an eye for an eye”, another part of the Bible says “turn the other cheek.” So, a person could argue that the Bible either teaches to fight back or to be a pacifist. Take your pick. Another passage says something like it is easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven. The Bible says many things. Sometimes it says contradictory things. Perhaps the Bible wants us to think. What I do know is that a person can very easily take one passage from the Bible and make that their excuse to hate or to love. A person has a belief like gay people are bad, or that women are lesser than men or that it is good to be rich or bad to be rich, then the person will find a passage in the Bible to back up their belief. Anybody can do that. Whatever you believe, you can find a Biblical passage to back your thoughts. I try to look at the Bible not in terms of individual passages but what is the overall theme. What is the Bible really trying to teach? Is the Bible trying to teach love and acceptance or hatred and divisiveness? I believe the Bible is trying to teach being non-judgmental, unity and love. I do remember Jesus saying we should forgive seven times seventy and do not judge or you will be judged. I try to remember that I have been judged and not to do that to others.