Non-fictional Story Another Part

Even now, as I sit with the weight of my engagement looming large, my heart remains tethered to her—a love that refuses to fade despite the passage of time. I’m torn between my commitment to the girl I am about to marry and the haunting memory of the one who once consumed my entire soul. I believed I had moved forward, but life, it seems, is cruelly cyclical, dragging me back to the same point again and again.  

دل سے نکالو گے کہاں پہلی محبت  

یہ وہ بارش ہے جو سوکھا نہیں کرتی

It wasn’t that I didn’t want her when she came back. Deep down, I knew I still loved her—desperately, hopelessly—but I convinced myself to say no. Why? Because her dreams and expectations from life eclipsed what I could offer at that time. She had aspirations too big, expectations I couldn’t meet, and I felt I would only become an obstacle in her journey. She deserved someone financially stable, someone more suitable. Someone better.  

And then there was her family. They needed a son-in-law who could promise a bright, secure future for their daughter. At that moment, I realized I couldn’t become the man she needed me to be. In my heart, I thought letting her go was a sacrifice—a silent offering for her happiness. But was it really? Or was I simply afraid of letting her down?  

اگر وہ پوچھ لیں مُجھسے, مُجھے كس بات کا غم ہے ؟

تو پھر کس بات کا غم ہے! اگروہ پوچھ لیں مُجھسے 

Even now, I’m haunted by the memories of her—her smile, her laughter, the way she once believed in me, even if it was fleeting. Her face finds me in my dreams and whispers in my waking moments. The world around me sees my engagement as a fresh start, a new chapter, but inside, I feel like I’m suffocating. 

I question my decision to let her go every single day. Was it truly for her happiness, or was it out of my fear of not being enough? My fiancée deserves more than the broken man I am. I’m trying to make this work, but I feel trapped between two worlds.  

چلے بھی آؤ دنیا کو چھوڑ کر 

تیری یادوں کی دُنیا بسانی ہے

What tears me apart the most is knowing that her feelings were never truly love. She cared for me—yes—but her heart never burned for me the way mine did for her. She looked at me with fondness, not passion. Even when she offered marriage, it felt like it came from a place of thoughtfulness, not raw emotion. And yet, I can’t stop wanting her. I can’t stop needing her in my life.  

Sometimes, I catch myself dialing her number, desperate for her voice, but then reality hits. I have no place in her life anymore. She is pursuing her dreams, carving her path, while I’m stuck trying to balance between my memories and my responsibilities.  

حُسن خُدا نے دیا تھا اور عاشق ہم ہوگئے 

وہ نصیب کسی اور کے تھے اور برباد ہم ہوگئے 

I’m lost, searching for a way forward yet trapped in reverse. I think back to her words the day she confessed that she wanted to marry me. She spoke of how much she believed in my potential, her hopes for us to build something together. But then came her conditions. She wanted me to meet her expectations, and when I hesitated, she saw that as hesitation toward her. How could I explain that my refusal was not for lack of love but from the deepest part of it? 

اور پھر من پسند شخص کا بچھڑنا زِندگی کے سارے شوق کہا جاتا ہے

Now, standing here, engaged to another, I wonder: should I try to find a way back to her, even when the path seems so uncertain, so unattainable? But life doesn’t work like fairy tales. The cruel truth is that sometimes, love isn't enough, and sacrifices don’t guarantee happiness.  

I don’t know how to fix the pieces I’ve shattered. But maybe, just maybe, love isn’t about getting what you want; it’s about learning to live with what you’ve lost and finding strength in new beginnings.  

For now, all I can do is take it one step at a time. In the quiet corners of my heart, she’ll always remain—my first love, my greatest heartbreak.  

الْفِراقُ أَشَدُّ مِنَ الْمَوتِ

جدائی موت سے زیادہ سخت ہے