What Questions Should be Avoided in Marriage Counselling?

With marriage counseling in Duluth, you can bring your marital relationship on track and be on better terms with your partner. However, when you take the help of a marriage professional therapist, you should avoid some important questions during the session. Avoiding some negative things while therapy takes place will help you get more solution-focused outcomes. Today we will help you out by discussing some of the important questions that need to be avoided in marriage therapy.

Blame focused questions

Whether you consider going for marriage or family counseling in Duluth, going with a ‘blame game’ mindset can disrupt the therapy session. We understand that such relatable questions coming inside you stem from frustration. But you need to understand that they can escalate the conflict even more. That's why, avoid such questions during marriage counselling:

“Why do you always ruin everything?” or

“Why can't you ever listen?”

Keep in mind that the goal of your marriage counseling is to solve the issues collectively, not putting each other at fault.

Questions that dwell on the past

Many people take the help of marriage individual counseling in Duluth to work on the past experiences that have shaken them completely from the inside. You will get the solution, do not worry. But you will have to understand that yes, past events are important, but if you keep on talking about them only during the session, will it be of any positive outcome?

If such questions come to your mind during counseling,

“Why didn't you try harder in the past?” or

“Why didn't you tell me this years ago?”,

ask your Christian therapist online. They will help you get out of the past and focus on the future more.

You can also give your questions a different direction by saying:

“How can we work together to change things moving forward?” in place of speaking “Why didn't you change before?”

Hypothetical “what if” questions

One of the major problems of marital bonds that are suffering at present is their hypothetical approach toward the relationship. When one or both the partners always focus on alternate realities, questions like:

“What if I had never married you?” or

“What if we divorced?”,

can create more doubts in the relationship. Have you gone for online Christian marriage counseling to create more conflicts between you? So, focus on actionable steps to find solutions for your current issues. You are taking counseling to understand what is, not what could have been.

Overly personal or embarrassing questions

Many people feel shy away or embarrassed while talking about some personal things. As a partner, you need to respect that and not bring questions like:

“Why don't you tell the counselor about your embarrassing habit?”

If your partner will be willing to discuss it during the session, they will. You do not need to force things out. They can put your partner on the spot and damage the trust between you two.

Questions that imply ultimatums

Questions including

“If you don't change, should we even stay together?”

or

“Do you even love me anymore”,

can make the counseling feel threatening for your partner. There are chances that they might go into a defensive state of mind that can make meaningful conversation more difficult.

With marriage counseling in Duluth, your only purpose should be to rebuild trust and work on collaboration, not giving ultimatums to your life partner.

Questions answered with a simple Yes or No

When two people go for online Christian counseling, both of them don't need to have the same mindsets. You are taking the help of therapy to find a mutual path to work on your marriage. If you will keep on repeating questions like:

“Do you think you are a good spouse?”

or

“Are you happy with me?”,

can complicate the situation even more.

Don't you know how much your partner loves you? You do, right?

So, instead of just getting stuck on a yes/ no for these irrelevant questions, you need to focus on encouraging an open dialogue during marriage counseling.

Comparisons with other couples

No two couples have the same life situations, and hence there is no scope for comparing your marital relationship with someone else's. Some questions like

“Why can't we be like that couple?”

or

“Why don't you do things like so-and-so’s spouse?”,

can affect your partner negatively. When you are tied in a knot, you have promised to accept your life partner the way they are. Why are you wanting them to change and imitate others’ spouses? Even if such problems occurred during the therapy, you can go for marriage individual counseling in Duluth. This way, your marriage therapist will be able to guide both of you individually. And hopefully, you will get a perfect solution.

Questions that assume motives

In many marriage counseling sessions, couples get stuck on questions including:

“Why do you always try to hurt me?”

or

“Why do you never care about my feelings?”

are solely based on assumptions. How can you assume what your partner has been intending with you for so long?

Remember that marriage counseling is there to let you focus on reality and work on actual problems. You do not need to create irrelevant conflicts in your brain that do not even exist in reality.

Conclusion

With the correct marriage counselor, you can make your marital bond work for life healthily. Learning about some important categories of questions that you should avoid during therapy can help you make the most out of it. You need to respect boundaries in your relationship and focus on shared goals to make your partnership stronger.