Self-Centered vs. Self-Absorbed: Understanding the Differences

The concepts of self-centred and self-absorbed are sometimes used to describe the same thing, but they are two distinct and divergent personality traits that can impact how we behave with others and how we view the world. Understanding the differences between being self-centred and self-absorbed can help us to navigate our relationships and develop greater insight into ourselves. What Does It Mean to Be Self-Centered? 1. Definition A selfish person is focused on caring for herself, quenching her thirst, meeting her own needs and interests. She cares about others. But she cares about them insofar as they relate to her. She cares about you only to the extent that you allow her to further her ends. Being selfish often shows up in the form of wanting to spend time with her friends because that will be fun for her, or avoiding doing certain chores because they will make her ache. 2. Key Characteristics Ego-driven: Self-centered individuals often have a strong sense of self-importance. Prioritises personal wants: They generally give more importance to their own needs and desires over the needs and desires of others. Limited Empathy: ‘They may have difficulty perceiving or appreciating others’ feelings and needs, but do not have callous indifference towards them.’ 3. Behavioral Examples Dominating conversations: A self-absorbed person would try to monopolise the conversation, redirecting the discussion back to herself and her experiences. Decision-making: They may make decisions that are optimal for themselves without regard to their effect on others. Relationships: They might maintain relationships primarily for personal gain or convenience. 4. Impact on Relationships This can put strain on relationships as others might feel undervalued and under-appreciated, but since self involved adults still establish a baseline of basic concern for others, they are often able to navigate the complexities of social life, albeit with a self-focused bent. What Does It Mean to Be Self-Absorbed? 1. Definition Self-absorbed people tend to be highly involved with their own thoughts, feelings and concerns, excluding whatever might be going on with the other person at the moment. As a consequence, they aren’t very aware of, or responsive to, the other person, because they’re a bit overwhelmed with themselves. 2. Key Characteristics Blind to others: self-absorbed individuals are oblivious to the needs, feelings or perspectives of others. Narrow Focus: Their attention is primarily on themselves, their problems, and their experiences. Emotional Isolation: They are so overwhelmed by their own issues, they have a hard time responding to your emotional signals. 3. Behavioral Examples Conversations: Self-absorbed people might interrupt people often, or be a poor listener, because when someone else is talking it’s a chance to get too caught up in your own thoughts. Interactions: Might ignore social niceties or fail to reciprocate interactions, or might appear uncaring or unaware of social expectations. Responses to Others: Often, when others express their feelings or concerns, self-absorbed people respond in ways that dismiss or fail to take them seriously; for example, ‘That’s all you’re upset about?’ or ‘Stop being so sensitive. After all, I’m just saying what I think.’ More often, self-absorbed people re-direct a discussion to themselves: ‘I had a similar problem a few weeks ago…’ 4. Impact on Relationships Such relationships can be complex, since self-absorbed individuals do not usually engage with others on an emotional level, making people feel second-rate or inferior. Their ‘emotional asociality’ means that they tend not to get close to other people, as they are not fully present in encounters and do not reciprocate in the usual ways demanded of relationships. Self-Centered vs. Self-Absorbed: Key Differences 1. Awareness of Others Self-Centred: Has some awareness of others but chooses to prioritize themselves. Self-Absorbed: Often oblivious to others due to their deep focus on themselves. 2. Interaction with Others Self-Centered: Engages with others but often in a way that benefits them personally. Self-Absorbed: Limited interaction with others, often seeming indifferent or detached. 3. Empathy Self-Centered: Possesses limited empathy, but it can be overridden by their own needs. Self-Absorbed: Self-focused, emotionally uninvolved, unlikely to connect with others because they’re lost in their own inner world. 4. Behavioral Impact Self-Centered: May come across as selfish or inconsiderate but can still function socially. Self-Absorbed: May seem distant, unresponsive, or uninterested in others, leading to social isolation. How to Deal with Self-Centered and Self-Absorbed Individuals 1. Setting Boundaries Set specific limits to secure your own needs and wellness. State your limits clearly, but in a kind, respectful manner. 2. Effective Communication With a daft toad or a self-centred jerk, frame your sentences with their interests in mind, albeit with a few tugs at the reins. For highly self-centred individuals, direct, unequivocal communication can help them recognise that they’re not giving enough to others. Ask them to listen and take part in dialogues. 3. Managing Expectations Understand that these characteristics may not shift immediately. If you readjust your expectations accordingly and ensure you contact a member of your healthcare team or support network who can help you stay grounded, you’ll fare better than you might feel, emotionally, in the moment. 4. Encouraging Self-Awareness If it seems appropriate, ask selfish or narcissistic individuals to consider how their behaviour might look to others. Sometimes this kind of self-reflection stems the problem of a lack of awareness. Conclusion It’s easy to lump together self-centred and self-absorbed behaviour, but the two traits are motivated differently and manifest in different ways. Having a working knowledge of their differences can help you maintain relationships with someone who has either or both traits, and contribute to you becoming more self-aware. The distinctions are unsurprising yet telling. FAQs About Self-Centered vs. Self-Absorbed Q1: Can a person be both self-centered and self-absorbed? A: Certainly, someone might embody both to a high degree, particularly if they are very self-focused. Q2: Is it bad to be self-centered? B: That’s true; being selfish doesn’t tend to work well in relationships, but it’s not bad per se. However, if it does consistently lead to being negligent and not considering other people, then it becomes problematic. Q3: How can I tell if someone is self-absorbed? A: Self-absorbed people seem removed from others’ experiences, tuning in almost entirely to themselves and their own thoughts, feelings and needs, yet showing little interest in the experiences (and especially the internal states) of others. Q4: Can self-centered or self-absorbed behavior be changed? A: With awareness and work, one can become more thoughtful and considerate to others. This requires willingness to look at these behaviours and modify them. Q5: How should I respond if I feel someone is being self-centered or self-absorbed? A: Say things clearly and, if necessary, draw lines. Demand mutual respect, but also be clear about your emotional needs as well.